I do, quite often!

(Before I proceed any further I wanna let u all know that I am the worst at expressing my feelings in words and this topic is about a deeeeep feeling. So there is a high probability that this post will be a disaster, proceed at your own risk 😉 )

In school, years of my life were slow, verrry slow. This was because I didn’t enjoy going to school. I was reserved and introvert. I used to talk a lot with myself and very little with others. Naturally there were pent up emotions which needed periodic release, and I always ended up trusting the wrong guy with those. Invariably the wrong guy used to go public with them and I was left with ears red. Those were embarrassing. I was the underdog, peers picked on me all the time and I hated school. This hate made each day at school a torture, and time was a lot slower than I wanted it to be. But I could feel myself growing! I am not talking about being taller. I could feel myself growing in my mind. My behavior, way of talking, becoming choosy with whatever I shared with whoever etc these were all changing through the years. By my secondary school exam, I was no longer the kid who used to giggle all the time like when he first stepped into school life. This is absolutely normal you would say. You might also add “what the hell does guy want? Does he want to stay little all his life“. Nope, this guy is as sane is any other . It is just that, then I could feel this change. I said “I could“, because now I can’t! :O Seriously!

School life was slow and I could feel myself growing. But as I finished school and came into college, life picked up a hell of a pace! 4 whole years. They passed by as quick as 4 weeks. Since then I haven’t felt myself growing anymore. Let me explain.. It is said that as we grow older, we gain maturity, wisdom, stuff like that. My experience of watching people says while growing older these qualities are supposed to make us egoistic and grouchy (at the least). Being grown up means if someone calls you a bad name, you can’t let it go easy and you have to fight for your honor.You aren’t supposed to take things lightly anymore, unless absolutely necessary. But I can’t feel any of these. Among my peers, I am the only exception who still goes about his business with the carefree air of a guy in his 18th year (by my DOB I am 22+ ).  Most of them having girlfriends and boyfriends, have already started talking and behaving like family guardians. I hate being so serious all the time. Sometimes I find it hard to relate to them.

You know, this isn’t about feeling myself growing, it is more about being more mature each day, to be a guy of my age. I do agree that there are situations where one has to be serious and a bit grouchy, other than that is it really necessary to carry that air everywhere? Or am I missing the point of growing up?

Thinking…

P.S. Phew! this wasn’t a disaster like I had expected 😉

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13 thoughts on “Ever feel like you aren’t growing up?

  1. Santu! most young people are in too much hurry to grow up. If I were 22 I ‘d just savor not taking myself too seriously and being completely oblivious to family guardianship! there is plenty of time for all that. Relax, this growing up is an over rated trap and sooner or later it will catch up with you….till then don’t mature, remain happy! you managed to write this piece very well, so next time no disclaimers!

    1. it is already catching up, it is me who is running away 😉 Bdw, U are asking for no disclaimers coz u hadn’t seen me editing this post, which took over an hour. The disclaimer was added before starting the post and the PS added after editing completed. Had this been a verbal one, I would have added a lot of “go back 5 sec and hit delete”-s 😛

      1. what can I say -There was a proverb i loved as a child ” everyone makes mistakes that’s why pencils have erasers” in modern times that’s why keyboards have the delete key and the backspace. These keys are there so none of us need disclaimers! 🙂

  2. Believe me, you are not alone. This post was as if you actually took these thoughts right out of my head.

    My life was kind of the same way…my school life was wonderful albeit the way your school life was described. I , too, talk to myself…even today. It’s all part of who we are, actually.
    “Who cares what other people think- I am who I am” is my motto. 😀
    P.S This post was really exceptional. And yeah, from next time on, no disclaimers even if you edited an entire book into a paragraph. 😉 🙂

  3. As one of my favorite writers once said “When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty, I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.”― C.S. Lewis
    From this I take that part of growing up is accepting that we dont need to be grown up all the time. We need to embrace our childish nature as well!

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