a letter to my younger self

This idea isn’t my original. I have been inspired by many awesome posts with this title, so here is one of mine. One of mine in the sense that I would like to write many letters to all my junior selves from all the years, coz no two of them were the same. Here is my letter to my self 3 years back. When I was in 2nd year in college..

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Hi dear!

I know u are doing fine, not absolutely great but fine! I hope you are starting to get out of your shell, ragging period is over man! You didn’t attend fresher’s and you missed a hell lot of fun there. Well I am not gonna tell you all about your college and sound repetitive. I am gonna tell you about what you are gonna become (like an astrologer huhahaha! 😀 😛 ).

Kid, no sorry. You are an adult now. Still my junior, so I think may call you kid. You were a kid, you are a kid, and you always will be a kid. (I am not talking about your looks. I am not talking about you with your old man type glasses, untidy beard or the mustache. With that look you do look a few years older, but don’t worry you will have your specs frames changed by the next year.) In your mind, you are still a kid. You enjoy cartoons. You do try to cook up a joke every now and then. 😀 Your attention wanders off all the time, except when working with computers. You just can’t take life seriously. You look all around you; there are all kinds of people around. Friends and others seriously planning their lives and careers like they are on a military mission, intrigues you. You feel like it would have been better to be like them. You see people of your age, you try to emulate them. You try all your might to make yourself feel like a mature adult! But all you manage to do is silence your joke factory for a while and so.

Now you feel like these are the worst qualities a guy can have. But believe me, these are the best things you could ever have! As life progresses you will be witness to a lot of scenes and situations where this being a kid at heart will help you most. You will receive many terrible shocks and back-stabs from people you always thought were your closest, which will teach you some awesome lifelong lessons. Trim your habit of being friendly from the first talk. Hold yourself to your self. Pretty soon you will have some long distance trips with your friends, they will be… I won’t spoil the fun. Pretty soon you will come across a situation which will teach you to be careful online. You will pick up the habit of clicking your friends’ pictures without telling them. Yeah you guessed it right! You are gonna have a cellphone, then a laptop too! A laptop who will be like a sick kid. You will have to take him to the service center many times. Your software exploration will make you lose all your data on your laptop, but in return you will have learnt a new scripting language! Awesome isn’t it? but yeah, you will lose your dear photos. You won’t have a girlfriend :p , but a few crushes. Observation of couples all around you will make you a sort of all-knowing-GURU. Within another year you will have a firsthand experience of flirting, which might leave you shattered for a couple of weeks. But like I told you before, you just can’t take life seriously, so it would wear off soon. Although you are easily swayed by powerful speeches, quotes and words everywhere, you will learn to see things for what they really are. I might say you will be one among the very few blessed with X-ray vision. Your diplomacy and tact will be refined with each passing day and they will prove very helpful in future. Your philosopher streak will stay with you all the time and it will help you gain a deeper understanding of the nuances of life and love each day.  B-)

You will be rejected in all your campus interviews and off-campus drives. Don’t be sad for them. They will turn out to be some of the best turning points of your life. You will start preparing for government jobs. Here you might think that your dreams of being software engineer will be shattered, but you are wrong! Your friends might learn the stuff at company trainings and you would be learning them at NIIT! Believe me, this will be far faaar better than to learn in company training environments. Tanvir, Indrajit and Sneha (also from your class, and your future buddies) will tell you that it is a very harsh environment in the companies. Instead of that, you will be learning Java and Oracle at your own pace. Lovely it will be! 😀 Also you will learn playing the guitar, though I don’t know how far you will be able to go with it but you will enjoy it for sure. You will be impatient like always.  At times you might even feel like giving it up, but you will pick up the rhythms pretty quick!

Eventually you will learn to care less and less about results but more and more about the present moment..

Lastly, mom and dad will be like they always were. Dad will get more impatient with age, but mom will be as lovely and lively as always! Kid, love yourself, your family, your dear ones and try to live in each moment. 🙂

lovingly,
your older self

feelings of a ……(I don’t know, u decide)

Lets start this post with a good news. My job hunt seems to be nearing its destination. In the last few weeks I got the results of some of the exams I have been appearing for and quite luckily, I have managed to clear a few of them. I don’t know if I will be able to clear the next levels, but for now I am very happy. Almost super-excited you can say. Friends and relatives have multiplied my joy with their congratulations and good wishes. A hearty thanx to all of them 🙂

Some of you might be knowing one of my ambitions was to be a software engineer, though it is not my chosen career path. It is more of a hobby, or you might say passion like my guitar. My dad got a sniff of that. So he asked me if I wanted to join any computer course. I agreed at once and I am currently learning core and advanced Java at NIIT, Durgapur. Nowadays I have classes everyday in the evening. And when one is passionate about something, one hardly misses a chance of meeting ;). As usual our dear Anand Sir was instructing us to write a program. We were in the machine room, coz today we had our practical class. All of a sudden a awesomely handsome guy walks in with some other pretty girls and says “Sir, we are celebrating teacher’s day today. Please come with us”. We were already behind schedule, so sir didn’t wanna leave us for a second. But the guy didn’t budge, he tried pleading with him to persuade him. The girls joined in with him. Ultimately some other teachers intervened and our sir had to go. I felt something which reminded me of my school days and college years. Although my college years are just 1 n 1/2 years behind me, but this was something I hadn’t felt in a long time.

In every class I have been in, there were always some charismatic, handsome, strong etc guys. They always had a different sort of air about them. Literally we were in the same class, but they always belonged to some different higher class. They were like the celebrities. Never did anyone oppose or neglect them. Never did anyone pretend to be indifferent to their words and feelings. On the contrary their each and every emotion change was attended to by at least 3-4 other guys/girls. They often joined each other and picked on the underdogs. They were the teachers’ pets. Each and every event, may it be cultural/sports whatever, they were always the natural leaders. Like everybody else they too did silly mistakes, but nobody ever laughed at them for those. They always had this air of a know-all about them, and always looked down upon ignorance of useless baseless things (like name of the porn-star with the hugest booty).  Coz my confidence was always crushed under the attitude of these handsome bullies, I remained an introvert throughout school. Those affected me badly. Also, I hated them 😡

By now you might say that I was just jealous of those celebrity type guys/girls. Yeah I admit that. Coz I was never near to being handsome or charismatic or a highly talented geek, I felt jealous of them. I never liked the treatment the my world gave me. But being a staunch believer of the law of karma, now I know I got the treatment which I deserved. Mostly those are harmless far faded memories of the past now. But occasional chances like these, they do return to haunt me and when they do, I feel the same way I did all those years ago. I don’t know what you are thinking of me, but I would very much like to get rid of these childhood impressions off my mind. Got any ideas?