Lets start this post with a good news. My job hunt seems to be nearing its destination. In the last few weeks I got the results of some of the exams I have been appearing for and quite luckily, I have managed to clear a few of them. I don’t know if I will be able to clear the next levels, but for now I am very happy. Almost super-excited you can say. Friends and relatives have multiplied my joy with their congratulations and good wishes. A hearty thanx to all of them ๐Ÿ™‚

Some of you might be knowing one of my ambitions was to be a software engineer, though it is not my chosen career path. It is more of a hobby, or you might say passion like my guitar. My dad got a sniff of that. So he asked me if I wanted to join any computer course. I agreed at once and I am currently learning core and advanced Java at NIIT, Durgapur. Nowadays I have classes everyday in the evening. And when one is passionate about something, one hardly misses a chance of meeting ;). As usual our dear Anand Sir was instructing us to write a program. We were in the machine room, coz today we had our practical class. All of a sudden a awesomely handsome guy walks in with some other pretty girls and says “Sir, we are celebrating teacher’s day today. Please come with us”. We were already behind schedule, so sir didn’t wanna leave us for a second. But the guy didn’t budge, he tried pleading with him to persuade him. The girls joined in with him. Ultimately some other teachers intervened and our sir had to go. I felt something which reminded me of my school days and college years. Although my college years are just 1 n 1/2 years behind me, but this was something I hadn’t felt in a long time.

In every class I have been in, there were always some charismatic, handsome, strong etc guys. They always had a different sort of air about them. Literally we were in the same class, but they always belonged to some different higher class. They were like the celebrities. Never did anyone oppose or neglect them. Never did anyone pretend to be indifferent to their words and feelings. On the contrary their each and every emotion change was attended to by at least 3-4 other guys/girls. They often joined each other and picked on the underdogs. They were the teachers’ pets. Each and every event, may it be cultural/sports whatever, they were always the natural leaders. Like everybody else they too did silly mistakes, but nobody ever laughed at them for those. They always had this air of a know-all about them, and always looked down upon ignorance of useless baseless things (like name of the porn-star with the hugest booty).ย  Coz my confidence was always crushed under the attitude of these handsome bullies, I remained an introvert throughout school. Those affected me badly. Also, I hated them ๐Ÿ˜ก

By now you might say that I was just jealous of those celebrity type guys/girls. Yeah I admit that. Coz I was never near to being handsome or charismatic or a highly talented geek, I felt jealous of them. I never liked the treatment the my world gave me. But being a staunch believer of the law of karma, now I know I got the treatment which I deserved. Mostly those are harmless far faded memories of the past now. But occasional chances like these, they do return to haunt me and when they do, I feel the same way I did all those years ago. I don’t know what you are thinking of me, but I would very much like to get rid of these childhood impressions off my mind. Got any ideas?

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16 thoughts on “feelings of a ……(I don’t know, u decide)

  1. we all fall into the trap of criticizing ourselves not recognizing our strengths fairly. Also we all tend to envy what we consider to be the perfect weight, eye color, voice, hair and so on. You are who you are, and desiring perfection just blocks you from happiness. Forget perfection, like yourself just as you are.

    1. yes, you are absolutely right. I too live by these ideals, but sometimes I just wish someone had taught these things to me when I was a kid. Then these ghosts of the past would not have been born. These memories are like spent radioactive fuel, fading away each half life, but never fully dead One should never hold onto the past, I know. I just don’t know how to get rid of this spent fission fuel ๐Ÿ˜‰ Thanx for reading my post ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. From the very childhood i know you,u have a splendid talent..dost…never shade this…due to this bullshit thoughts…you r too handsome and charming,even girls are curious about you…..u remember when all in the school call u a.”Physics Scientist”…even the most great Physics mam of our times(Era mam) makes u the most responsible,talented guy of the class…..just recall that memories,u will get all the positive energy…..a better job and a good man is all about,which is present in you………..atlast, never get this type of thoughts…u are a born star…………………………………..i read your blog regular………ur admiring friend…@Akram Khan……………………………………………………….oh,1 more point,i am more handsome than u…the girls r more curious abt me,than u………:):):)

    1. MAAAAAAMUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!! ๐Ÿ˜ก
      saale rulayega kya ๐Ÿ˜ฅ . Thanx.. Thanx for reminding me of those wonderful times yaar… Then I never liked that scientist tag, but now I like it ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. hey bhai u kno the same thing happens with me too, hey miss our coleg dayz very much re. I would like to say that yes it is tough to be an underdog alwayz before those show-off people but never discredit yourself of that bcoz wt u are they can be never like u in 10000 years to come. Just be happy wd yourself dats the biggest joy!! ๐Ÿ™‚ keep smiling bhai!! ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. Well, knowing which pornstar has the largest booty might just be their passion.

    P.S girls who go after good looking men rather than a well informed guy are probably not worth going out with, in the first place.

    Here’s a quote I read on the net : Light travels faster than sound. That’s probably why you don’t realise how stupid people are until you hear them speak.
    Even though it’s factually incorrect, it kind of struck a chord with me.

    1. yep, u r right ๐Ÿ™‚ It is just that today’s world of showbiz it is harder than ever to make a kid understand the real thing hidden behind the shiny ones. But the quote is awesome! Science used by philosophy to drive home a point, it is a rare combination ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanx for replying

  5. I never had been as charismatic as you said those “pets of the teachers” had been, but being a bright student I always had received attention among the crowd. Still, I was a boring and quiet chap in my school.. ๐Ÿ˜ one thing that my (our) college taught me is this.. ‘Knowledge is happiness’… This is kind of too philosophical but I would someday share my feelings in my blog about what I learnt through some extra talented people, who aren’t very good looking or charming still being the apple of eyes for a many.. You will love yourself, feel like the king of the world, know the things you should actually care about once you are knowledgeable.. And ‘knowledge’ has got a technical definition in Computer Science :p ๐Ÿ˜‰ ๐Ÿ˜€

    1. Know what? I was the one and only nerd of my class! I was the pet of my physics teacher. I asked too many questions (I still do about things I like), that’s I was called the Pagal Scientist of my class. A typical kid can’t be expected to enjoy being called mad, so was the matter with me. I was picked at by the shiny stuff of the class. I grew angrier each day, but never could hit out at anybody. As a result those days became painful memories of my childhood. Once in a “long double” time those random memories return as flashbacks and it hurts..
      But yeah, U are absolutely right! Once you start doing things you actually care about, it feel like being the king of your own world! ๐Ÿ˜€ Wish I had some people like you in my class, then things might have been better ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. Knowledge is something one attains with experiences. In terms of Artificial Intelligence, we are all ‘agents’ who perceive and act form and upon the environment respectively. Thus, in the world of Computer Science, knowledge is through which new information can be generated form the known. ๐Ÿ˜€

    Btw, I liked the new look of your website.. ๐Ÿ™‚

    1. Wow, what a concept! ๐Ÿ˜ฎ
      Thank u for the info and thanx to WordPress for the theme ๐Ÿ˜€ Deciding on a theme on WordPress is a pretty hard job for me, coz all of them are awesome! Lastly I chose this one coz this was the simplest one in the gallery ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. I think we all feel this way at some point. I know for me when I see a girl who is significantly prettier than me I feel automatically inferior. I dont even usually try to strike up a conversation. In turn I end up looking like the stuck up one. But I think it is human nature for us to criticize ourselves and see others for more than they are. But remember they are people with real life pains as well. Dont assume they have it easy because that is what you see on the outside.

    1. That’s the problem with this generation and sadly I am a part of it. From the moment we learn to think we get trained to judge things as a whole by just looks. More shinier, better it is so we feel, and that drives this whole rat race thing starting from studies, marks, looks, wealth etc.. I am glad I am finally able to see these things for what they are in real. ๐Ÿ™‚
      Almost feeling saintly sometimes ๐Ÿ˜›

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