A bad hair day #judgementDay

Just had a bad hair day. Usually the hair-styles I try none of them suit me. But today’s cut was exceptionally bad according to some. Maybe it was. Everyone’s gaze was making me feel sorta uneasy and I was trying to hide. The reaction was strange  to my senses. The world visible to me was absolutely same as any other day. But just a bad hair day made so many repercussions around me. Why? To my eyes the same people were behaving different all of a sudden. I knew logically but I could not comprehend it with my heart. Just absence of a few tufts of hair can change people’s reactions so much. Few even said I was looking good trying to cheer me up. But I was still confused, not logically but emotionally. I had not done anything to them, but everyone’s reactions are different. To my mind the reason was well understood but my eyes and ears could not put the pieces together. It is difficult.. I had a feeling it must be what it is like when you are a mad guy. Then you have no idea why everyone is behaving oddly about you but you scan sense the oddity. Today it was #judgementDay.

Today was a #judgementDay not because I was at the court. But I had a first hand experience of what it is like to be judged by all around you. Of course this isn’t the first, I have had worse before, but this was one of a kind.The feeling of being there, at the center of the gossip universe, you and I both know it is one of a kind feeling.

Judging, it is so ingrained in us that we feel empty if we aren’t judged by others. Our dresses and styles don’t feel complete unless complimented by others. Beauty isn’t beautiful enough unless it is looked at with jealousy… We give what we receive and we receive that we give. #settlement_balance_Zero Need I say more?

I know, you know what I am talking about. Let’s be and let others be. Let’s take off those judgy glasses, peep into the souls of all around us through their eyes. Instead of keeping them at bay let’s put Judgement away. If nothing else it will make our hard lives a bit easier. A bit easier it would be when we have room to breathe instead of judgy noses breathing on our shoulders. Higher shall we rise! Straight we shall stand, happily shall we live and peacefully shall we pass away.  We wont ‘rest in peace!’, mind you. No we won’t! If you don’t have peace while you are living, being dead won’t make any difference to you. Why? Coz u were already dead man! Instead, lets have acceptance as much as u can spare. Then we all shall live in happiness and peace!

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Looking at myself back through time

Days and months add layers on layers. Bit by bit I change. Changed I get by bits and pieces, and at the end of a year I look back at myself. I ask “Who is that guy?!”.  My older posts serve my purpose of time travel. I go through those to take a peek at my past self. Looking closely I notice the style of writing, choice of words, speed n train of thoughts, topic changes and what it was about. Each one of those tales tell a tale of a younger me and then whatever I be.

Just went through ‘a letter to my younger self‘ . I wrote this back in 2013, the year when I wasn’t employed anywhere. All my friends were working somewhere and there I was, frustrated and jobless. Everyone in my family was trying to cheer me up but I couldn’t be. That self of me in 2013 wrote a letter to another me who belonged to the year 2009. The addressee guy was just in his 2nd year of engineering (halfway though college). Right now, I am observing a guy talking to another guy who exists 3 years back in time than him. All the three guys are the same person but just separated over time! Amazing isnt it? Feels like Looper! But that’s not the point of this post. It is about how different I have become over the years.. How many changes have happened.. How have I been moulded by some seemingly life-shattering events (which of course become just some old tales with time).. Unexplainable. Just unexplainable. Maybe it is but I choose not to. Some feelings are better felt than expressed.. It is deep.

Settlement balance Zero? or Circle of life?

I work in the cards and payments industry. My job is to develop and monitor programs and Jobs (Yeah,  Jobs! I work with those scary mainframes). After the transaction settlement of all the merchants my programs create their statements and funding notifications. Usually someone gets total credit greater than the debit and for others vice versa. For some both credits and debits balance out and they get naught! Not a single penny! Such cases sometimes throws spanner into the clockworks, and we have to fix it. (In mainframe parlance, those horrific things are called Job Abends)

Usually a job abend means billions of valued transactions held up until we fix it  and time is invariably against us at such times. Late to fix it by a moment and we can hear abuses from halfway across the world! So please, next time your bank transaction is held up, don’t slang us. Just remember, we are on fire even before you microwave us with your anger. Yesterday, we had such a job abend day.

It was a merchant who had nothing but two transactions, one for $ +1.07 and another for $ -1.07. So he didn’t get anything  funded into his account, but he has to pay the fees for the settlement processing.. Sorry, I wont bore you with that. What happened is that we luckily found this merchant’s records quickly in the files, removed him and let the jobs go. Everything went smooth from there on. Something hit me then. A thought.. It goes on as follows.

This guy sells some things to customers. For whatever he sells he pays 2% of that transaction to his card company.  A fraction of that is paid by the card company to my employer. With that money my employer gives me salary. With the salary I then go back to pay the merchant for stuff I buy. From that the merchant again pays 2% of the value and it goes on and on in a circle.. Now do one thing. Just put all the pieces of transactions together and settle it. Calculate, who stands to gain, huh?

The transaction settlement value is Zero! A big Zero! No one is getting anything extra! No one at all! It just sent my head spinning. What the hell are we working for and why ?!

Everyone is actually losing their precious seconds, minutes, hours and days just to keep this circle running, aren’t they?   Or is this what they call ‘the circle of life‘?

#BoycottChinese : A reality check

India today has more mobile phones than people, a proven fact. But where these communication devices come from, huh?

Starting from the cheapest Samsung guru series(my dad uses it) to the most expensive iPhone all of those phones come from China. Not just mobiles, but the whole spectrum of networking devices (routers, switches, computers etc) used here comes from China. The whole communication network of India relies on Chinese imports. So if you take out the Chinese maal out of India, you are leaving India without its communication network. Work would come to a standstill, as all the laptops would also be taken away. Just imagine life without your precious phone and net. Can you? Ironically, I am writing about #BoycottChinese on a China-assembled laptop. Is it just me? Nah!

All of India (at home and abroad) is earning, working, writing, communicating, talking and expressing themselves and ranting #BoycottChinese through Chinese products only!

Has anyone thought about that? We can’t escape using Chinese products no matter how hard we try. Directly or indirectly our fragile lives are supported by Chinese imports. No matter what you do, you simply can’t take China out of India by #BoycottChinese..

Instead of ranting #BoycottChinese, #makeinIndia drive makes more sense to me. That is the only way to cut off China, so I feel.