Ever feel like you aren’t growing up?

I do, quite often!

(Before I proceed any further I wanna let u all know that I am the worst at expressing my feelings in words and this topic is about a deeeeep feeling. So there is a high probability that this post will be a disaster, proceed at your own risk 😉 )

In school, years of my life were slow, verrry slow. This was because I didn’t enjoy going to school. I was reserved and introvert. I used to talk a lot with myself and very little with others. Naturally there were pent up emotions which needed periodic release, and I always ended up trusting the wrong guy with those. Invariably the wrong guy used to go public with them and I was left with ears red. Those were embarrassing. I was the underdog, peers picked on me all the time and I hated school. This hate made each day at school a torture, and time was a lot slower than I wanted it to be. But I could feel myself growing! I am not talking about being taller. I could feel myself growing in my mind. My behavior, way of talking, becoming choosy with whatever I shared with whoever etc these were all changing through the years. By my secondary school exam, I was no longer the kid who used to giggle all the time like when he first stepped into school life. This is absolutely normal you would say. You might also add “what the hell does guy want? Does he want to stay little all his life“. Nope, this guy is as sane is any other . It is just that, then I could feel this change. I said “I could“, because now I can’t! :O Seriously!

School life was slow and I could feel myself growing. But as I finished school and came into college, life picked up a hell of a pace! 4 whole years. They passed by as quick as 4 weeks. Since then I haven’t felt myself growing anymore. Let me explain.. It is said that as we grow older, we gain maturity, wisdom, stuff like that. My experience of watching people says while growing older these qualities are supposed to make us egoistic and grouchy (at the least). Being grown up means if someone calls you a bad name, you can’t let it go easy and you have to fight for your honor.You aren’t supposed to take things lightly anymore, unless absolutely necessary. But I can’t feel any of these. Among my peers, I am the only exception who still goes about his business with the carefree air of a guy in his 18th year (by my DOB I am 22+ ).  Most of them having girlfriends and boyfriends, have already started talking and behaving like family guardians. I hate being so serious all the time. Sometimes I find it hard to relate to them.

You know, this isn’t about feeling myself growing, it is more about being more mature each day, to be a guy of my age. I do agree that there are situations where one has to be serious and a bit grouchy, other than that is it really necessary to carry that air everywhere? Or am I missing the point of growing up?

Thinking…

P.S. Phew! this wasn’t a disaster like I had expected 😉

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